I wish we could sit on the front porch rocking chairs during the lightning storms you loved so I could tell you in person; since we can’t, I’ll write this like you’re still here.
Happy birthday, Granny. Even though you’re not getting any older, I’m keeping your memory alive. I’ve given up on the hope that your absence will stop hurting like the invisible hands of grief wrapped around my throat. You said you never want to see me cry like that again, but sometimes I still do.
Too often we idiolize the dead so I won’t pretend any person is perfect, though you were one of the wonderfully strong and loving women who raised me. I wouldn’t be who I am without you, one who never doubted my creativity and whimsical ideas. Thank you for finally making me believe that I’m special, and that just maybe I am a miracle, even if only in your eyes.
If there’s any way you can still see, hear, or feel me I hope you know all of this and how much I love you – that one of my deepest regrets is that I did not crawl in the hospital bed to sleep beside you one last time – and how I carry a part of you in everything I do. There are endless reasons why I wish you were still here, but I tell myself you’re in a better place. I love you and like you, Granny.
These days, I feel like I’m “going through it” as they say. I’ve been hesitant to publicly admit the rejections I’ve received for my manuscript for The Woman and the White Rabbit, despite the beta readers, family and friends who send their encouragement.
I recently had a sudden layoff, job change, and other unexpected events. Balancing this new lifestyle has brought me to the decision to pass on CampNaNo (National Novel Writing Month) this summer, after narrowly missing my goal last April. On one hand, it’s difficult to see these things as anything but failures; in the other hand, however, I hold a pen.
I’m not ready to give up. I love storytelling and the characters I’ve created, and still believe in the my purpose. As these query rejections and emails add up, I’ll stare them down with determination. Thank you to those who continue to support me during this wait. I’m writing with my whole heart.
Once a person leaves this earth, even something as small as handwriting becomes very special. I’m still finding poems tucked around the house, as if my grandmother is here in a way. Notes aren’t the same as her voice but they give me inspiration. Sending love to all those who have lost.
Finding pieces of you in poems and letters are like whispers of the hugs and “I love yous” that I miss. I wish I could thank you for leaving me these reminders of strength; the only thing I can do now is give meaning to our memories, so I’ll keep reading and writing, until I become the author you always believed in.
Sending love to the people who have lost family and friends or gone through hardship over the pasty year. I hope we can learn to let this bring everyone closer together, come to value time and what is truly important to each of us.
The night you passed away, I discovered the book you dedicated to me for the first time. I keep these pictures close as I read your story, wishing I had done this sooner, that we had more time. You never got to read my book, but I’ll keep writing as if you’re watching. Thank you for being a woman of great strength, inspiration, and faith. I’ll always remember how much you believed in me.
I’m excited to announce I’ve completed all edits for The Woman and the White Rabbit, which means I am now seeking an agent to represent my book! Two years ago tomorrow, I started this novel as a National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) project in 2018. After successfully writing the first draft in 30 days, I decided to draft this 6 more times, until I believe the book is finally ready to share. During this time, I developed a connection to the characters, learned more about myself and the word around me by writing this story, which once started as a blank page. I want to thank the people who support this process, especially the beta readers who generously gave their opinions for this final round of edits. Over the following weeks, I’ll be querying literary agents and working on more marketing. I look forward to getting this book on the shelves for you to read!
With all the world cooped up at home, I’ve been using this down time to center myself and reconnect with the practices that have made me who I am. To do this, I combined two of my most-loved passions: fiction and fitness.
Over the past year or so, yoga has unintentionally become a quiet part of my life, done alone during night shifts and rushed in between writing sessions. My health and fitness journey is something I recently realized I’ve talked and posted about less and less, as I let myself get caught up in the stress of life. Yesterday, I broke that cycle with this sunny session at my local library and had a blast with this photoshoot. Visit my Instagram @cheyanne_8 to see the rest!
As the final round of professional edits are being made, I’ve used this downtime to make a shortlist of literary agents. After all this writing, I’m excited to find the right person to represent my book and build a career with.
By this summer, I’ll be sending out query letters to these agents and -with any luck- the acceptance letters will come shortly after. Follow for more updates as the progress moves along. Most importantly, thank you to everyone reading this post and supporting my journey! I’m grateful for every gesture that reminds me to keep going.
Remember, spots for Rabbit Readers/beta readers remain open. See Extras page for more information.
For those of you wondering when you can get your hands on this book of mine, today makes one step closer to that dream. After 533 days of writing and six drafts, my crime/thriller titled The White Rabbit’s Apprentice, is near complete. The manuscript will be sent to the wonderful editor, Michael McConnell, for one last read-through. Once this is done, I’ll be querying agents for publication.
With a lot of persistence and a little luck, my goal is to land a publishing deal by the end of this year. Remember, I’m still accepting beta readers for those interested in free sample chapters. More updates to come!